Been asleep the rest of the day.

I literally have no energy so I went back to sleep. I can’t feel my sore knee when I’m asleep either. I didn’t see daylight … well, only through the curtains but it doesn’t count if I didn’t go out in it. I could have got up earlier but I decided not to because I’m exhausted. I didn’t need to get up to tidy up / clean after inspection had happened this morning. That was what I was getting up for originally. I’m resting a lot now. I remember doing the exact same thing last year. I didn’t go out every day and sometimes just got up to have a bath and change pjs. It’s just that time of year when I’m feeling more left out than normal. I also don’t want to particularly join in so it’s a confusing thing to others. I don’t remember my knee flaring up last year. I definitely didn’t have a bad finger. That’s kind of making it worse because mentally being like that is stressing me out. Even if I did go out and join in stuff, I probably wouldn’t be welcome after the shit I pulled recently. I totally deserve to be alone after that. I did it in retaliation to how I thought I was being treated but the outside world doesn’t see the why … they only see actions. I’m probably totally out of order to the rest of the world and lost of my blog audience because they can’t see my point of view unless they had my brain because of how it thinks. I don’t think like the average person. I still am feeling hurt by the other person but to others it would make no sense at all. They aren’t sensitive or see very small details. I do because of my autism and those details stand out to me because of my suspected BPD side. I do end up looking horrible because of my duality in the way that I think and process things.

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