It was freezing when I woke up!

I should’ve left the heating on a bit because by the time I had actually woken up today the air was like a fridge. The cats had fallen asleep next to me so they didn’t seem to mind. I was asleep most of the day because my sleep pattern is definitely a mess. I’m going to put something out there that may upset people… you know I don’t really care though. The way others treat me make me feel so many negative things. I was thinking how things played out recently and other stuff throughout my life. It’s entirely natural to be selfish as a person. That is a thing most people can be. If no one else looks out for your interests then you’ve got to do that yourself. I was far too giving in my past and ended up paying for that. I was bought up to put others first by my dad etc but in this modern world it just gets you used and screwed over. Right, before I start going off into other things I will try to stick to the point here. People say respect their boundaries etc but when it comes to me asking that they respect how their actions affect me… they just don’t do that. They act so cold toward me whether they mean for that to come across or not. Then I get seen as bad, people start avoiding each other and it grows into a situation that it doesn’t need to be. Now all I can see is that certain things are stuck the way that they are because I’m certainly not going to back down (others that know me will confirm that I can hold onto whatever for life if needs be, sorry I’m a Scorpio) and others also have the kind of same personality. So, technically it’s this way forever now. I don’t want it to be but I’m not going to be the one to let go of how I see my position in that situation. I know that I can’t expect the other side of it to do the same either. I have a strong personality but I can’t ever win against another strong personality. I’m just not going to win. I only wanted a friend but shit happens when others have boundaries. The fact that it’s affected me to the point I didn’t want to get out of bed or go out is something others don’t really consider… making someone feel that way is really just as bad. But, hey, no … I’m probably the bad guy in this thing because I reached out. I apologise… I guess I should just put my trauma away for the comfort of others huh? That is basically how things get implied.

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