Bad things happen and the wrong people get labelled…

Yes, I am awake at a stupid hour again. That is just a normal thing now. Sometimes I write my best things at night but I’m back on the drink due to how the way people act toward me. It’s so much easier to numb how it makes me feel. They won’t check out the blog anymore so basically they will think I’ve made an attitude filled comment and moved on. I can’t move on from the constant rejections. They cut deep into me like a knife. I wouldn’t mind if I hadn’t found out so many lies that were put on file about me I lost everything because of those things and it’s not like I could ever prove they were actually lies. Those of us that are innocent and trustworthy get labelled because of people who have gone on to do terrible things like murder people. Now no one trusts those that were wrongly labelled so we never get a chance. I honestly don’t believe it’s all about other people’s boundaries… they simply think I deserve to be pushed away. I would NEVER do anything bad to anyone. I lost so much because of other people judging me wrongly growing up. I wasn’t a saint but nobody is. Those that went to school with me who were all into the drugs scene (it was and still is an issue around here) always have referred to me as the good little girl growing up. Then why did I get so much hostility toward me? I didn’t take drugs or even drink barely when I was younger before they traumatised me by sending me away on section for my autism related issues. I basically quit drinking this year and got off antidepressants but I’m still never good enough and that upsets me. I wish that people would at least consider me even if it’s a no initially. I’m not saying everybody rejects me but the majority do so that feels like a constant thing. It brings the worse parts of my past back too. I wouldn’t be so upset if my life had returned fully to normal but it never has done. It’s better than it was at one point but because I no longer want to go back into the education system etc I’m still alone. The cats are always around but they don’t really count. If it wasn’t so icy outside they would be out tonight like their normal routine. They put a paw out the window and turned straight back around. They have fallen asleep on my warm bed. Anyway, I don’t think I have anymore to say at stupid o clock so I’m going to ‘try’ to sleep now.

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