The excuses people make…

The reason I ended up turning to addiction habits was simple. I always wanted a friend. I couldn’t get one and even when I did / do it hasn’t lasted long. I know why when I was younger. I hold my hands up to potentially being a complete cow at times. I really wasn’t nice at times but it wasn’t malicious. I get declined when I try to make friends… yet I look at peoples social networks and they’ve got lots of people added who I know they probably met in the same way as the whole boundaries excuse they gave me. The only difference between me and the others is that I have a form of autism … and now we see why I’m rejected. I’m just ‘not good enough’. I don’t want to make a big deal out of it but it’s so obvious. I had this excuse given to me more than once throughout my life. Then I’m told that I shouldn’t be affected by what I went through because it wasn’t that bad. I presume I also deserved all that due to my autism, BPD stuff huh? That this somehow makes it justified how I was treated and how I am still treated. I now feel wrong for letting the stuff that happened to me affect me because others have continued to tell me in comparison to the experiences of others, mine weren’t bad. Social services ruin lives. They ruined mine when they put me in the system as a teenager. They are inhumane and love to emotionally abuse their clients. I will never recover from that or having my baby ripped away from me for adoption. As I said, no one sees me as a proper person. I don’t really exist to the outside world. I try so hard but it never makes me seen. I’m rejectable in nature. And, let’s face it, that is because people see me as defective.