We aren’t part of any of the circle. This is how it always was…

I have met many people over the years. I’ve noticed it’s like a two tier system of different circles. Maybe I am not liked a lot due to having BPD and autistic traits but I also don’t have parents from professional backgrounds. I always found that those of us who didn’t have those kinds of parents were continually looked down on, kicked out of school (due to assumptions regarding our intelligence – the assumption was correct about mine, I’m as thick as anything). The children of professionals got away with so much and the rest of us would get scapegoated. Their kids did many things a hell of a lot worse than I did, we’re on drugs etc but got protected when they were younger so that they didn’t get labelled. I don’t think that is right. They all still look down on me because of things they continue to say about me or to me. I’m never good enough because of where I came from. That annoys me. I may only be a blogger but the fact that I even learned to write was a miracle after continuously being kicked out of school from the age of 1. I taught myself everything I know. I went back to do GCSEs that I should have done at school but wasn’t allowed because the school told me I had not been there enough (due to them kicking me out). I get really annoyed with rejection but that made my chances in life delayed as a youngster. I got into college at that time because luckily you didn’t need GCSEs etc when I got in at 21 (US people out college is lower than your university – we don’t have grade system here). I passed college with decent grades but I think they made have done the compassionate marking thing because that was the year my dad passed away. I was also bullied by a girl in our friendship group at that point and got pushed out of it. She was the ring leader who didn’t want me to be a part of it from the start. I joined it with my friend who I lost because of her becoming besties with her and pushing me out. We had an Asian girl who joined us too. The one I was friends with initially had mental health problems and I told the main leader of this girl group something I was told in confidence but I didn’t realise that was the case at that time (autism makes your naive when young) so I ended up the one everyone fell out with and I had a lot of personal issues as I was living in the care home for people with autism at that time. I was very weird when I was younger because I was just myself and didn’t care about trying to fit in. I conceal my weirdness nowadays… most of the time. There are the odd slip ups but generally quite good at it. Anyway, I would just like to not be looked down on at this point of my life.

%d bloggers like this: