This is all true.

I saw something online which really hit home earlier. There was someone saying how there was actually no support out there after multiple times of trying to end their own life. I don’t even try to get support now. I have come to learn that everyone and everything around me will let me down. I can’t rely on anyone to pick me back up. I just have to ‘deal with it’. I’m always telling others I’m so tired and emotionally done. That is how I am naturally now after everything that has happened in my life. I just want peace and that doesn’t happen when you’re involved with so called support services. I’m better off on my own. I’m not feeling that great at the moment. I can’t do a lot with my finger being swollen. The pain isn’t just in my finger now, earlier it started in my wrist. I really need the x ray results back just to see if it’s picked up anything. There’s got to be something causing it to swell up and now hurt down my wrist. I haven’t slept the whole night again because of my sleep pattern being a mess. Anyway, my main point is that support isn’t always actual support in our system. It can make things worse. There can also be extremely awful people who will take advantage of you open up. I have found that it’s much more beneficial to be closed off. I’m open about how mentally and emotionally tired I am but that isn’t to try to get support… I’m just honest so that no one expects too much out of me. I’m sometimes too tired to smile or even be nice. I don’t want others to take it personally or think I don’t like them. I feel like I’m trying to fight that emotional exhaustion on a daily basis. There is nothing that anyone can possibly do to make that easier. We are on our own in life. That is just how it goes even if you’re surrounded by people. We just have to get on with it. It can be hard but at least it’s trouble free and peaceful.

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