Maybe I am actually lucky.

I could actually be lucky despite what I’ve been through. I have literally pulled stuff off that others haven’t managed to do. I got out of prison quicker than most and actually got that taken off my record so I looked less bad due to being released on appeal. I met the right probation officer when I was released who got me off the community pay back hours after I told him I just couldn’t do it because of my mental health issues at that time. Imagine if I actually went out there instead of staying in a lot. If I actually made an effort on the blog (sorry until I looked I had no idea how badly don’t it was until I logged into everything on my laptop) then it would actually be somewhat popular. When I think back to when things have always gone wrong for me it was always due to someone else sabotaging me or my work. I then learned to think badly of myself because that is what those that decided they didn’t like me wanted me to do. That is what those who see promise in others do. They try to destroy their confidence because they know they given the opportunity from someone success will come to you rather than them. That kind of backfired on some people. The labels they helped me be given growing up means that I don’t have to actually work to survive. In their eyes I get free money (despite the stress the DWP give us to claim disability benefits). I don’t have the responsibility of having to bring my son into work but he could turn around and tell his adoptive family he wants to go off with me when he is an adult and there is nothing they can do to stop him. I’m still free regardless of others attempts to screw up my life in the past. That means I naturally have the luck that they tried to deny me. Those things that were put on my name doesn’t stop me for my entire life. If someone gives me a chance then none of those things matter. I have already proven that I’m not like I used to be. Some of those things I found in notes when I decided to dig everything up were never the truth anyway. Those things were based on assumptions of autism, a condition that no one knew much about when I was growing up. I was told I had to be normal growing up, we had no choice and it was even more so when you were born into an older family like me. I now see that all my past happened for a reason due to all the pieces randomly coming together in different ways now.

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