I don’t expect others to put up with too much but recently I have been going up and down driving people mad around me. Sometimes I don’t shut up. I don’t really stay still much when I’m up. I do have the constant anxiety that others will get really annoyed with me for my autism / BPD traits and insecurities. I know that in an ideal world there shouldn’t be punishment but that is what happened in the past. I’m always on my guard and that doesn’t help how I behave. I try not to attack anyone in any way because that isn’t going to lead to any sympathy. Others will just take offence and turn their backs on me. I’m always unsettled near Christmas because it’s just that kind of time where there are constant reminders of what I do not have or what I could have had but it didn’t work out. I’m sorry for how it may make me act.