I’m more fed up than I have been previously.

I’m sure that many others with the BPD side can relate to being in constant emotional pain under the surface a lot. That gets worse when there are triggers all around which normally happens towards times like Christmas. I’m strong to a point because I’ve had no choice but emotionally, I have been tired for a long time. I’m always seen as nothing by people I really wanted as friends or whatever so that makes me think what is the point? The situation with A being left as it was and never even slightly fixed has also not helped. I constantly feel that if I had been a better more worthy person then I could have had what I wanted with no problems. The fact that I am inadequate because of my autism and most likely an undesirable personality means I can’t have those things. I may seem intimidating on here or probably a lot when I’m communicating via written word but I’m only 5 ft 2 and built petite so I’ve had to learn to sound a lot bigger than I physically am. In many ways I’m still a shy reserved person. I can’t be that in a professional way in relation to journalism if I want to be listened to. I don’t think anyone expected me to be able to make a video via TikTok saying some stuff, but I did. That took a lot for me to record but I got so angry at the videos I was seeing on my for you page that I had to record something.

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