Identity. Me then vs. Now.

I know that many long term blog readers have seen me change over the time I’ve been doing this blog. I have recently lost readers because I changed my writing style due to those changes. I can’t help it if maturity has stopped a bit of my rawness. I still have tried to keep it in a certain way but it’s difficult. I’m not so willing to be open and out there anymore. I like more privacy than I did previously. Those of you who took advantage of who I was for a long time should be ashamed of themselves. I’m certainly never doing many things I’ve done in that time ever again. I never thought that I would even make it to the point that I am now. I thought I’d never change or ever come off of antidepressants successfully.

I had the main identity as autistic for years. I was affected so much by my autism that I let it define me as if it was my job or something. That’s all I thought that I could be. That’s all I know was led to believe I was by others. I want to be so much more now. I was never able to define myself as a person let alone as someone in a profession. I trained in media production and did some journalism, but I just never referred to myself as anything but an autistic. Journalism was a thing I wanted to go into at one point, but that profession has changed so much. It is very subjective now due to the vast growth of social media where anyone can post as a journalist without even any media related training. It isn’t really a paid profession for many people now because of the rise in social media. There are so many bloggers now it’s difficult to stand out in the deep sea of them. I only have a very small following over all of my social media platforms in comparison to many other bloggers. I know that I shouldn’t compare myself because many bloggers are extremely superficial talking about fashion and other lighter topics. I’m brave enough to tackle the subjects that many people shy away from. That isn’t so popular. I didn’t know that I could be a separate person from my autism etc. I don’t even want to say that autism is part of my main identity nowadays.

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