I have paid for my past and not even the same person now.

There was many reasons that I didn’t want to come back here. The most major one being that people never let you forget the stupid things you did in the past. The same things that even now I have finally evolved into a different person I still think of myself as evil for every single day. I was relentless at my quest to be loved as a teenager. I didn’t care if it was in a positive way. I wish that I could undo the stuff that I did. On the about me page I never went into the whole details surrounding why I was charged with providing false information but the whole truth would get me judged by everyone who I come across in my current life. There will always be people that know from the past who will tell others in the present. I can’t stop that from happening. I can only be my authentic honest self in this point in time and hope that this is enough. I say that people don’t know they’re mentally ill sometimes because I had no idea I was as a teenager when I did certain things. I thought certain things was a completely rational way to react to rejection. That is how I ended up sectioned and still remain on this 117-aftercare clause. It doesn’t mean that I am still the same, but I will always have my autism however many autistic people aren’t on a clause for life who have had similar issues. I have made progress but because I still have my autism it may never be enough for the system to finally allow me to be free of clauses etc. I was put on this thing many years ago before autism was even remotely understood by the mental health system. I am not mentally ill now. I refuse to allow others to punish me for speaking out about whatever I have done on here. I’m fully aware that the blog is a disorganised mess and would do better if it was sorted into categories. I did start doing that, but it became a tedious job that literally gave me a headache. However, if I manage to ever successfully complete that part it will give readers less of a headache trying to navigate to specific entries.

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