There has been much discussion in regard to having another child recently with myself and various options. I’m not sure regardless of whether I go down the pride angel donor route or have one with my friend. I am not sure that my friend is fully aware of what he is agreeing to do. I don’t want to be harsh but he is rather simple and doesn’t do a lot, he didn’t even go back to education. I would be a shitty person if I didn’t consider his capabilities. The donor idea would mean I would be on my own again the next time round. I’m not wanting to do either scenario. I get told that your gut feeling is always right. I’m very uneasy when it comes to my gut feeling. I don’t think it’s the right time and I’m only getting uptight about it because of the running out of time age thing. I can’t rush into something just because I feel that I won’t be able to have children due to age. I’m always tired due to health issues anyway so adding a child to that mix would be quite a bad idea. If I’m truly honest I have given up on doing anything in life. I literally have no desire to try most of the time. That isn’t laziness… it comes from years of trying and failing. I was able to get back up and try again easily when I was younger. I just have absolutely no desire to do so nowadays. I looked at education stuff last night and had no desire to go back. That isn’t like me. I was always up for going back to college etc. I may be stubborn and determined in nature but I have lost my desire for life. I just look around and it’s all greyscale. There’s nothing that makes me feel like I’m truly living. I don’t have anything because I either walked away from it all or got pushed out due to circumstances when I was mentally suffering. I’m still mentally tired after the stuff I’ve been through even though I’m over most of the emotional effects.