I always turn the television on at the right (or in this case probably the wrong time).

I got up to have something to eat after sleeping my migraine off again. I switched on one of Louis Theroux’s documentaries on one of the channels. Tonight’s was … you guessed it… open adoption in America. I’m really not feeling in the best state to watch this stuff tonight. It still gets me annoyed about my situation because I didn’t have a choice. These women on the program I’m watching had a choice. They weren’t forced by a court that dispensed of their permission because of how I was judged at that point in my life. I was labelled badly because no one really understands autism and certainly had less of a clue when I was growing up. Things have changed a little. It’s less likely for someone who has autism to be labelled a criminal for their autism behaviours nowadays unless it’s violence.

There are many women who have gone through the whole court dispensing of their consent for their child to be placed for adoption. They are constantly on about one day their children will find them etc. I’m sorry but that is where I have a completely different view. That probably won’t happen. These people who adopted our children don’t want our biological children to be ever part of our lives. These people don’t respect us. They selfishly want their own families. The means of how they get them and how it uproots / destroys other people’s lives they simply don’t care about. As long as they have their family nothing else matters to them. I am brutally honest about stuff regardless of whether it hits a nerve with anyone. Those of us that gave birth to their children don’t matter whatsoever. We are absolutely nothing and was discarded like the box to a tv or something that they really wanted. I was never addicted to drugs or alcohol. I only went down that road after they took my son away for adoption. Then I started taking painkillers and later drinking way too much to numb the pain of that upheaval and trauma that having my son ripped away from me caused. I was in that cycle for years.