Sleep issues are driving me crazy.

I’m still awake at half 5 in the morning. I just can’t sleep. As I said in the previous entry I just don’t settle which is why I was quitting the epic walking distances. I have to be awake during the day to make the phone call to book the x ray. I literally can’t sit down when I’m up during the day. I walk up and down even if I’m in one place. It’s doing my head in. I have no idea where this ants in my pants adhd type of thing have came from. I am even moving around a lot when I’m trying to get sleep and when I am asleep. I wake up with the duvet cover bunched up. It’s so annoying! I need to rest but it isn’t happening. I’m also getting hints from lots of places that I shouldn’t have any more children. I was watching TikTok and every video that came up was someone saying they regretted that decision. I’m not sure if I want to anyway. There is no point having another child anyway if my feeling that I’m not going to be around by 40 is accurate. I would be gone while they were little, and they would probably go into the system ending up adopted and if they were older, they might end up in care until 18. I am fairly accurate with things I pick up so I can’t throw caution to the wind in relation to having another child and hoping it’s not accurate. I can’t explain it. I have just had this feeling that my life was going to be short from when I was 25. I kept seeing late 30s in my head and now I’m nearly there I’m preparing myself for it. Maybe that’s half why I won’t sit still… I’m probably nervous. I do fear death too, only because it’s unknown. There have been many people who passed away young that had a sense that it was going to happen. I will probably be the cause of my own death with my clumsiness. I will have yet more bruise’s tomorrow after dropping my phone down my pj bottoms (I was balancing it on my hip but because they’ve got smaller my phone slipped down my leg and landed right on the bone that leads into my ankle on top of my foot. It hurt so much! It isn’t hurting now but it will definitely have a bruise come up. I was making my dinner so wasn’t watching my phone slipping out of the waistband. I’m fed up right now though because I’m tired but still can’t sleep!

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