I’m still awake. I have been listening to music most of the night. I am still affected by my past. I try to tell myself not to stress out about this stuff, but rejection has left me not able to fully do that. I even remember the last interaction I had with another to be positive but still think they will decide to see me in a bad way. I get scared to face others because I think they’ll reject me and as an autistic person you can never get around that awkwardness after you know you’ve opened up way too much. It is worrying me already. It’s not normal and I shouldn’t do it. I was scared of the person I ended up saying too much to last week via email when I first met them. I have read peoples energy wrongly previously. It’s different now that I know them more than the first time that I met them. They are still like a stranger though. I can’t just try to make friends randomly it’s seen as weird. I would be actually surprised if anyone reciprocated because that has never happened in my life previously. I’m still waiting for my guardian angel to appear in human form. That will be hard to manifest though.