There’s things that bug me about the system…

I saw something online earlier about the rule that adopted children aren’t allowed their photos published on public things. It makes sense in cases where there are children who have genuinely been removed for abuse but out of those that are adopted there are a very small percentage of those types of scenarios. Most babies / small children have been removed on ‘at risk of future harm’ due to what social workers assume about the parents which gets put in assessments and then used in courts. I literally proved that what was assumed about me was wrong, but I couldn’t stop the adoption because the court process had gone too far. The local authority rushed the placement with my son’s adoptive parents as soon as they realised it was back in court. I was never meant to have my son removed. I feel that birth parents are vilified due to cases where children have been abused. I literally risked being done for a crime because I took the court paperwork for a private assessment with a friend in London to disprove all the reports that the local authority had done during those proceedings. Those documents had to be released by all parties to the case but there was no way that the local authority or childrens guardian would have agreed willingly. I was lucky to have met some rich friends when I was living down south to even get the evidence stating the opposite. Even after the case ended, I literally went to the mental health team and I was told that many of the things put in the psychiatric assessment done for the court case I definitely didn’t have.

People make assumptions and the legislation that is out there, in example the no photos published thing just reinforces that vilification. I was a victim in this and I proved that. I assure you that many birth parents try to make out that they are also victims when they did do stuff to get their children taken away. I genuinely am a victim though. 10 years ago it was quite a different time. The attitudes were quite different then. I was offered an abortion by adult mental health services as soon as they found out. I refused so I got referred to child protection. They didn’t want my son to exist because his father was related to a staff member of the care company I had been in (I had left there at least a year when this happened though). Segregation between clients of that company and staff outside in the community was actively encouraged. The area was small and close knit so that was difficult. I had a pre-birth assessment that said everything they shouldn’t do but when it came to it they did the opposite. The pre-birth assessment even said I could do it but I was still told that if I didn’t move areas back to my mums then they would take him at birth. I was being maliciously reported behind my back from when I was pregnant until he was taken away. Those reports meant that I was hounded by child protection team. I was made to go to lots of meetings when he was only just days, weeks old. It mentally broke me. I tried to tell my GP at that time because I went there begging for antidepressants because I couldn’t take it anymore. I wasn’t even allowed alone with my own baby because of the malicious reports. If it hadn’t been put in the court bundle then I would have never known about these reports. I broke by 8 weeks. I had a really bad birth which I was trying to recover from alongside all this.

They didn’t have to take my baby for adoption because I literally asked for help. Instead, they took my baby and left me to suffer. I was under adult mental health services but because I had been labelled a criminal for my autism traits, I got stuck under the forensics team which automatically makes people treat you horrendously. I will keep spelling out what I went through because I will not be vilified. I never did anything wrong in my life, but I was born autistic and other things happened during my childhood which could have impacted on that. I was never a bad person who deserved the above happen to them. I am fed up with the same assumptions. I could never hurt anyone which is why what happened to me was so hurtful on a deep level. I only ever got in trouble because I wanted a friend and would write to communicate rather than speak. I was treated horrendously for my autism at school, college etc, so the things that happened out of character were when they had pushed me into meltdown mode with that horrendous treatment. Then it was all my fault for their lack of support and pushing me into being who I couldn’t be. There is only so much someone with autism can take and that limit is so much lower as a younger person. I have become more tolerant with age but still get to meltdown mode occasionally.

Author: Diary of a Painfully Shy Introvert

A blog written by a female diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome but suspected PDA in more recent years. Musings of a Trainee Battleaxe was created to not only create awareness of the PDA part of the spectrum; but also to educate the public hopefully creating understanding in order to stop future generations being let down and labelled negatively. Disclaimer: There may be parts of this blog which viewers may find upsetting as it contains accounts of real life events which have been quite traumatic. However, it is all to help create a sense of understanding and combat the fear surrounding all aspects of mental illness and Pathological Avoidance Syndrome (a very little understood part of the autistic spectrum).

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