It’s just never going to change for me… better off dead.

I can’t sleep. I have been thinking and reading stuff online. That has resulted in me having absolutely no hope for the future. I know that everyone’s case is different and I should never let the reality of other people who have had previous children taken away for adoption etc dash my hopes of having another and actually being able to keep it. I’m technically stuck in life. It’s never going to change and sometimes that makes me rather be dead. Others have stuff. I don’t. They’re living but I’m just existing so when I try to explain it no one really gets it. I’m not in a relationship and probably never will be because I have a wall up in that department after things that have been done to me by other people. I’m tired of living in a life where nothing changes because of circumstances beyond my control.