Early night because dreaded phone call in the morning. I have my referral now.

I have gone to bed earlier than normal but I probably won’t sleep because I’m far too anxious. I should have gone bed hours ago. The cats don’t want to go out tonight due to the weather. I opened the window but as soon as they hear the wind they won’t go. That’s one less thing to potentially wake me up if I do happen to sleep. I have a blocked up nose so that might keep me awake. I went for a long walk to try to chill out about tomorrow but it’s not really worked. I just have to get it over with because once the phone call is done it’s done. I’m fully prepared to take any issue of stopping or reducing my money to tribunal if needs be. I’ve done it previously and I will do it again. On a slightly more positive note… my referral to the rheumatologist (had to look that word up to know how to spell it) in the post today. I have first appointment in February 2023. I have three months left to wait and my finger keeps going better and then worse so I’m not sure whether to go back to the GP to get an x ray or whatever on my hand just in case. 12 weeks is quite a long time to let my finger keep swelling up. I find it hard to do every day stuff because I just don’t have the strength back in that hand yet. What if I actually have broken my hand and it’s showing in my finger? It will have healed in an unnatural position by then and could stay deformed. It feels more healed but the swelling is still ridiculous. I tried to learn to write and do stuff with my other hand but I can’t master being left handed. I had one right and one left handed parent so I thought that it would be easy to swap dominant hands. It turns out that you are given one or the other, very few people can master using both. I don’t know how left handed people write etc because when I tried to do that it felt like I was fighting with the position of my arm.

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