Resting today.

I didn’t sleep because I’m worried about the DWP phone call tomorrow and if I don’t get enough sleep then I won’t be able to be awake for it. I can’t miss it because they’ll stop my money. I just put some money on my gas because it’s using £10 every few days. I am petrified that they are going to use any excuse to take away my benefits. I have never not relied on them. I have no other source of income because I have never been employed. It’s not that I’ve never wanted a job. The trauma I went through left me unable to function reliably enough to have a job for a very long time. I’m still affected because like my disability… that will never change and the DWP hounding us every so often isn’t going to cure our disability. I don’t have a change in circumstances, that is never going to happen for me so this phone call that is already causing me off the scale anxiety shouldn’t have to happen. I’m sick of having to deal with the public perception of benefit claimants. I would rather not have suffered to get the money that I need to be able to live. These kinds of people seem to think it’s justifiable to report those getting government assistance just because they’re jealous that certain people don’t have to work. I go through daily battles just trying to exist so throwing working into that mix would end up making it ten times worse. I’m now suffering more because I have had this awful compliance interview letter. I read up online about it and find out that if they think my answers are suspicious I could actually be treated like a criminal and charged with an offence. This isn’t how it should be as a disabled person. I don’t expect compassion or empathy but a little understanding would be something. This phone call is mentally breaking me a day before it even happens. I’ve had anxiety since getting the letter informing me of it. I know what the DWP staff are told in regard to granting people benefits. None of that makes me settled.