The whole ‘do good and you’ll get good things come to you’ makes no sense and in reality. I did good stuff that never came back to me. For instance, let’s go right back to when I was a child. How did I have such bad karma when I was only 8? I was pushed over and school, developed epilepsy and ended up one of the children wrongly diagnosed/treated (medication dosage was too high and the second opinion during the enquiry into the whole situation said I would have naturally grown out of the epilepsy that I had without being medicated). There were 600 children involved in the scandal involving Dr. Holton. 2 of them went to the same school as me and also had behavioural problems. I was zombie like on the medication that was prescribed to me. I looked it up and discovered that what I was prescribed wasn’t even approved to be used in children (uk) until 2009. That makes what happened worse. I fear that we were part of some kind of trail but wasn’t aware of it. He was allowed to practice, not with children and under certain guidelines but if there was something like undisclosed trials for medication in the background he should have been struck off. They shouldn’t do that kind of thing but I bet it happens if enough money is handed over. We don’t know the long-term effects or the full damage. I don’t know if this situation caused my health issues like my knees kicking off, toe going weird and finger swelling up as well as other problems to do with my monthly etc. 600 people who have now grown up and received compensation for the initial mess may be able to get more compensation if they started displaying similar medical issues years later. I lost a proportion of my childhood because I was too drugged up in a zombie like state to be present for the latter half of my childhood. Then I got labelled a criminal for my autism so as far as compassion is concerned… I got absolutely zilch. I’m still on that 117-section aftercare clause 15 years later (they put me on this clause after I came off of section at aged 20, I’m 35 now. I’m counting the 15 years as when I was sectioned initially because that is when the system took my freedom).
Then we fast forward to 10 years ago when I had my son and he got adopted. I got the judge that was over in Coventry to come over here, but my son was still adopted because the local authority pulled some sneaky legal tricks. They placed him knowing that it was going back to court because I managed to get it back in there myself. I had my solicitor tell me that there was no appeal and there was nothing that I could do but I found out there was. I was the one that got Judge Bellamy over here by writing to Coventry to submit a hearing which they had to send to the local court. They sent the judge too because he was a circuit judge who does different areas. I don’t know if he is still there, but I heard a lot a cases since mine where he has stopped the local authority taking disabled people’s children. I did that which is something good and all I got afterward was a load of crap. Thrown in prison for a month even at one point. How was that fair? I still lost my son when I did all the research and got the judge that I knew would challenge their practices over here? Maybe it wasn’t the right time for me to have a child. I still looked like a child when I had Jonny (24 years old but looked like a teenager). I still have people who know me now say I look like a child because I have tiny hands and feet, short and petite. I’m fed up of hearing good things come to those that wait because I have been waiting for years and it was just one stressful situation after another. I believe everything happens for a reason. I changed as a person after meeting A but it was mostly due to what she put me through. I no longer trust people because last time I did I ended up being accused of awful intentions and thrown in prison.
Diary of a Painfully Shy Introvert Blog 