I can’t get any rest. I desperately need a break.

I woke up exhausted. It’s all too much. I can’t do it anymore. If things actually got done it would be much less exhausting because at least the efforts I go to do stuff would be worth it. If it’s not the cats needing attention it’s the emails relating to mums stuff (my emails get jammed up because of her refusing to have an email address so I have to do everything. I now have to put the complaint in about being sent in circles about the 117-aftercare section discharge when I wouldn’t have to do so if people did their jobs properly. I work so hard just to be ignored a lot. I don’t know if it’s just because I am autistic so generally I get looked down on a lot or that many individuals I have dealt with are quite arrogant in nature. I just can’t anymore. I shouldn’t have to deal with all this hassle. It took me over a year to get a meeting with a social worker about the 117 discharge. The last time I put a complaint into the council regarding not being given services on it for years, I was brushed off then (mum also put a complaint in). If they do the exact same thing the next time it will change nothing. I will go to all that effort to get no where. I’m too exhausted to do it and the thought that it won’t work is making me not even wanting to put in a complaint. I’ve been under that clause 15 ish years. That is the tariff that you get for murder in the Uk. I can’t safely have any more children until I’m taken off if it due to legalities it brings. I can’t put that on hold for much longer due to my age. I can’t still be sitting here in five years waiting because I will be 40 by then. It can happen but the likelihood goes down. Even then they’ll try to keep me on it for life. That is what social services are like. They will punish a person for how they were as a youngster for life. I’m never going to get rid of my autism and it’s not right to punish me for a condition I have which wasn’t my fault. This whole thing is just adding to stress in my life and they hope that people give up wanting to come off of it because they’re making it that stressful. I’m not going to give up despite being exhausted because I want my freedom back. I had years of my life taken by the system and they aren’t taking any more because I’m not allowing them.

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