I always look tired. I have a stressful existence.

I’m briefly awake because I had to let the cat in (for some crazy reason she wanted to go out in the rain earlier and has now returned soaked). I get told that I look tired quite a lot. I am tired constantly. I never have much energy. I think it comes from my past. That leaves me permanently tired due to the fact that I survived a lot of stressful things. I may look stressed in the face a lot because living in this world being autistic with very little support is stressful. That might explain the injuries like my finger and knee swelling. It’s probably stress damage. I have been stressed and tired most of my life so I don’t notice it anymore. I don’t rest much due to trying to lose weight etc. I have things that I’m trying to sort out which is stressful. I need to chase the 117-section aftercare discharge issue tomorrow. That is something I have to get off asap and until I do my life is on hold. I can’t have any more children unless I’m off of that because of legalities which could result in social services stepping in to take future children after losing my first to them. In the general sense it’s normally after 6 years, if a parent has another child they won’t automatically be under social services when they have another child. The fact that I’m stuck on that clause until someone discharges me changes that 6-year thing. The section 117 aftercare is also a way of the local authority and anyone else in the authorities being able to walk in freely. I’m basically not free from my past ever until I’m off of it. They seem to be dragging their feet to make things as difficult as possible to get off of this thing. It is becoming apparent that people get told that these legalities are temporary, but no one seems to ever get taken off of them once they’re on them. I’m not getting services from this aftercare section, and I haven’t since 2016. I’m having to cope on my own which is difficult when it comes to functioning sometimes. That is why I’m tired because just existing is hard when you’re autistic.

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