Other peoples issues are… literally their issues.

I used to take things to heart a lot before life taught me that others issues weren’t necessarily my problem. They may have made it my problem through circumstances but it wasn’t a me problem. It was totally a them problem. I tried my best with my own issues. I found out that A had no empathy toward me or things that have hurt me in my circumstances by comments mentioned in court which was supposed to have come from her mouth. I had just been through hell and also had been tortured by the system and my surroundings growing up. I don’t make fun of the fact that she is an ex hobo who’s family and school didn’t want as a youngster (hobo is a nasty term for a homeless person which insinuates that they smell bad and are dirty). I feel guilty for my part of the situation at university but not all of it. I can only take responsibility for my part not everyone else’s. I didn’t appreciate those things which were said in court where she insinuated that I was weird just because I saw her as a mother figure. I just put that nicely in comparison to how it was said. People really need to check themselves. I’ve said awful things in my life but those that lack empathy can put it very cold as well as cruel. It seems that those who present with little to no empathy either came from a home where there was ether no love shown to them (most likely in A’s case) or where the individual was given too much attention and love (not so common but it can happen). I will always want an apology for her complete lack of empathy comments and how she referred to me to others… but I won’t get one because individuals who are void of the empathic part of their nature don’t necessarily ever change or admit that they even got it wrong. I am the opposite. I feel guilty for what happened in my past every single day of my life. I may be labelled autistic but somehow after I went through the whole process of getting pregnant, having a child and getting mother hormones I’ve got way too much empathy. I have found that out since I came off antidepressants. I barely cried on them but I find myself getting tearful at things I see which are sad on a regular basis now. I think that I would have stayed just like A if I’d decided not to have a child. I don’t care what they say… mother hormones definitely changes your personality and all that you are as a person even if you don’t end up even going into that role (as in my case with Jonny having gone for adoption by 14 months old). I sometimes wish that I was like the me before … nothing really emotionally got to me on a deep level back then. I feel deeply nowadays to the point where it really gets irritating. I can let the situations of strangers really rip me apart despite them being absolutely nothing to me.

Author: Diary of a Painfully Shy Introvert

A blog written by a female diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome but suspected PDA in more recent years. Musings of a Trainee Battleaxe was created to not only create awareness of the PDA part of the spectrum; but also to educate the public hopefully creating understanding in order to stop future generations being let down and labelled negatively. Disclaimer: There may be parts of this blog which viewers may find upsetting as it contains accounts of real life events which have been quite traumatic. However, it is all to help create a sense of understanding and combat the fear surrounding all aspects of mental illness and Pathological Avoidance Syndrome (a very little understood part of the autistic spectrum).

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