I had to go home to dry off due to weather.

I got soaked on the way home. I was literally just half an hour from getting home. It started tipping it down when I had just got passed Barwell town centre. The black cloud above burst with vengeance. I’m currently drying off and have put my socks on the radiator. I’ve paused my walk until it stops (weather forecast says it will be gone by 9pm). I will have my dinner, watch Corrie and then go back out because I would have popped the shop on the way back if the weather hadn’t decided to go completely washed out. I saw someone I used to know from college (staff member) and even if I had the guts to say hello after they blocked me on social media it would have meant I would have got wetter before I got home. I know that I need to not be shy and break the ice so that people can see I’m not a scary person. I am aware that you can be accused of anything in this modern world. However, I am actively trying to put the past to bed by making the future different. I have to live in the same town as some people who probably did just see me as the weird kid etc but it doesn’t have to stay this way. I don’t know if anyone stuck up for me behind closed doors. I was told that A stuck up for me at university but it still didn’t stop the fallout that happened there. I also can’t believe that is true because I saw her comments online about me. Those comments hurt me deeply. I am a person. I have feelings and it seems that people forgot that when making judgements about me. I don’t want hate. I never did. I can’t help that I was in a mess mentally due to trauma until recently. It affected my behaviour to the point where I simply don’t remember half the stuff that happened and definitely nothing of what I may have written to others. It was totally out of order to do what others did to me. I can’t trust people now. I feel like everyone is either going to backstab me or take things from me (opportunities and even future children). I haven’t gone back into education but I do have plans to request a meeting with the people from my former college and perhaps the university too claiming discrimination. I’m trying to wait until I have managed to get the council to take me off the section 117 aftercare thing. It cannot be done before because the clause means I’m technically not equal yet. I have more of a voice in a legal capacity once I’m off of certain things. It is on my list of tasks so it will benefit me if I smooth things over with individuals from my past. I also got waved at by someone I’m not sure who they were… literally his face looked familiar but I couldn’t place it. That is exactly what you get when you go out there living a half public life due to the blog etc. I probably looked confused because I was confused… I waved but I didn’t know who I was waving at … I looked around it was definitely me they were looking at. They had a little child in the car so it wasn’t that kind of thing. I don’t think that I knew them. Their face looked familiar but I’ve met a lot of people.

Author: Diary of a Painfully Shy Introvert

A blog written by a female diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome but suspected PDA in more recent years. Musings of a Trainee Battleaxe was created to not only create awareness of the PDA part of the spectrum; but also to educate the public hopefully creating understanding in order to stop future generations being let down and labelled negatively. Disclaimer: There may be parts of this blog which viewers may find upsetting as it contains accounts of real life events which have been quite traumatic. However, it is all to help create a sense of understanding and combat the fear surrounding all aspects of mental illness and Pathological Avoidance Syndrome (a very little understood part of the autistic spectrum).

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