Insomnia again :(

I should have been asleep hours ago because I went for a long walk earlier. I think my monthlies have finally gone more normal so they’re no longer causing me hassle. They had a brief let’s flood everywhere session yesterday but it was only brief in comparison to what it has been for a long time. Mentally I’m still a mess but that is like a normal thing. Sleep patterns which are a mess leave your brain completely confused a lot. I just keep thinking which is never a good thing when you’re trying to get to sleep. I don’t think certain things will happen but I’m trying to stay hopeful. I have put in the work for a very long time. That doesn’t always mean it will pay off. I can’t control the actions or decisions of other people. I have tried to get everything in order to get others to make the decisions I would like them to make. I have to believe in what I want to happen because if I don’t truly believe in things then they aren’t likely to happen. I am about to totally give up on the idea of certain things happening. Things happen when someone is about to give up on whatever they have wanted. I don’t know if they will but I’m at that point. I am fed up with waiting for years to see certain changes happen.

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