I walk every day anyway so I joined it because I literally can’t go to the gym to train at the moment due to injury. I put a photo up there but of the back of my head showing my hair the other day. I don’t have a recent good front facing photo. I thought as I was 1 on the distance leader board I should at least put a photo up. Thanks everyone else for not pressing cheer on my name. I have pressed cheer on all the other people taking part in the app. I know that I don’t really need encouraging due to already being at the number 1 position but at least return the gesture. I know that I people don’t know me but I didn’t know them and still pressed the cheer button. I prefer not to be known. I keep myself to myself despite running a public blog. I have a huge tip for walking long distances. As long as you have your headphones in your ears and don’t take much notice of how much you’re aching then 20,000 steps (about two and a half hours walking) is done before even thinking about it putting it off because the thought of it seems too much. We are 7th in the ranking. I’m sure that people can do a bit more walking. Members could even walk up and down the gym because it’s large enough to make a considerable contribution to the walking outside steps.
I have seen some of the notes in relation to my past. These ‘incidents’ were instigated by the authority’s actions/words. I was pushed to say every little thing that made others go against me. I was backed into a corner and pushed into meltdown mode on purpose so that the system would get their own way. Instead, I got up every single time which they did not expect. Has anyone realised that since I haven’t had so called support from the system that anger hasn’t materialised to the degree that it ever has in the past? Yes, I have been angry over unfair situations left permanent in my life which is normal … no one would not be angry about their child being ripped from them and an order against them just for behaviours related to autism and wanting a friend initially. That is why I went out here on the blog and spelled it out to the world. Rumours are made about quiet people who others don’t really ‘know’. I’m sure that it would be somewhat worse if I was male. I at least don’t have the kind of rumours single men have to deal with. I have to not get angry to sort everything out and that is hard. It feels unfair and I detest injustice.
I enjoy running this blog and have got into the pattern of posting on a daily basis. However, my visitor numbers have plummeted over the last week. They shot up during the summer and actually stayed at that level for a while. I was hoping that it would stay that way, but it’s trailed off into barely 200 a day max recently. I’m grateful for those that are still regular readers. I get that life is not great at the moment with the cost of living etc. I have to retain visitor numbers for my own career prospects. Writers have to remain relevant and I can’t do that if I’m not able to get my traffic flow back to the blog. I’m sorry that things are somewhat slow on this end. That is how it goes within the system. I also have to make it able to be punished because some things cannot be printed regardless of how I redact or rewrite certain parts. It’s like how my weight loss was for months. I woke up having lost weight again for the third time in a row after months of it yo-yoing. I was 73.8kg when I woke up today. I try my best with the resources I can get my hands on in any shape or form. I put in the work to get hold of information that the system doesn’t want out there. I don’t get paid for that kind of danger. I do it to build a reputation so that payment in the form of a book or whatever comes my way some day.
I should have been asleep hours ago because I went for a long walk earlier. I think my monthlies have finally gone more normal so they’re no longer causing me hassle. They had a brief let’s flood everywhere session yesterday but it was only brief in comparison to what it has been for a long time. Mentally I’m still a mess but that is like a normal thing. Sleep patterns which are a mess leave your brain completely confused a lot. I just keep thinking which is never a good thing when you’re trying to get to sleep. I don’t think certain things will happen but I’m trying to stay hopeful. I have put in the work for a very long time. That doesn’t always mean it will pay off. I can’t control the actions or decisions of other people. I have tried to get everything in order to get others to make the decisions I would like them to make. I have to believe in what I want to happen because if I don’t truly believe in things then they aren’t likely to happen. I am about to totally give up on the idea of certain things happening. Things happen when someone is about to give up on whatever they have wanted. I don’t know if they will but I’m at that point. I am fed up with waiting for years to see certain changes happen.