I do feel like my existence just makes things difficult sometimes.

I just accidentally woke Mimi (cat) up by moving my legs in my bed. It woke her up, so she wasn’t happy. I guess that means my existence is currently annoying her. She literally would love the bed all to herself. She seems more settled tonight because I’ve put an extra feed in for her. I cut their food because vet said Mister should lose weight. That resulted in Mimi being hungry. I now wait for him to go out in the evening and give her a full sachet to herself. She has settled down a lot and is no longer waking me up several times a night.

Anyway, onto the main subject of tonight’s blog. I am pretty sure that my existence is quite irritating and inconvenient to others. The fact that my allergies kick off at even things like dust can be even irritating for me. I have really bad irritated skin at the moment. I don’t know if the chemical issues I have with the bath is making it feel sore and itchy but it can go like this anyway. I got this from genetics. Dad had asthma and allergies, that runs down the male side, as a female I got the diluted part that contains just the allergy part. I swear that more stuff is setting my skin off as I get older. I even got accused of self-harming by the child protection team during a contact with my son. I had reacted to the heat and had to itch my chest while wearing a lower cut top. That came up with redness and scratch marks where I had to itch. They asked me what I had done to which I tried to tell them it was allergy related but I doubt they believed me. I am sure that others have thought the same but haven’t said anything. The worse thing that my allergies was when I took an overdose when suicidal. I was literally allergic to the stuff that they gave me to reverse the damage to my liver etc. I refused to have another bag full through my IV line after the first one making my ears feel like they were swelling up. We all know my autism etc has just complicated things. I now distance myself from stuff as a way to have peace away from situations that get complicated. Physically, my body is really doing my head in. I’m very bloated in the run up to monthly anyway. I ache all over from probably walking too much but I have to otherwise I won’t lose the weight. The swollen finger is making doing everyday things more challenging. It’s the hand I use to write with etc. The physical injuries have manifested after the covid vaccinations. I don’t care what they try to say. I have never had multiple injuries happen one after the other. I’m also quite sure my allergies have also not kicked off so much before I had the initial two vaccinations and the booster. I always get skin rashes from time to time. I get one on my hand or both hands every summer during hay fever season. There was one particular year in my early 20’s where the rash went up my arm and it literally looked like boiling hot water had been poured over it. That never happened again and there was no indication of what caused it that year. Sometimes I can be using everything that I normally do and still have my skin flare up or my nose start running. The fact that I can react to anything as small as dust must be really annoying to other people. I can remember not being allowed to spray deodorant when I lived at home due to my dad’s asthma and later on lung condition which it turned into later on in his life. I found that really irritating at the time.

Author: Diary of a Painfully Shy Introvert

A blog written by a female diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome but suspected PDA in more recent years. Musings of a Trainee Battleaxe was created to not only create awareness of the PDA part of the spectrum; but also to educate the public hopefully creating understanding in order to stop future generations being let down and labelled negatively. Disclaimer: There may be parts of this blog which viewers may find upsetting as it contains accounts of real life events which have been quite traumatic. However, it is all to help create a sense of understanding and combat the fear surrounding all aspects of mental illness and Pathological Avoidance Syndrome (a very little understood part of the autistic spectrum).

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