Long day. Tried to sort things out.

I managed to get the estate agent to authorise the job that needs doing in my bathroom but the plumbers that are meant to be doing it haven’t rang me yet. I had a mobile number ring me which I picked up. That wasn’t the plumber, it was the person I’d asked to look at the test results given to me by the GP in regard to the foot issue I had and related blood tests. I need to ring the GP up on Monday for a Rheumatologist (which apparently is going to take a year). It could be arthritis etc. It’s too long winded to go into the details I discussed on the phone. It’s my business and I have to sort it out because apparently the doctor I unofficially got a second opinion from doesn’t expect to see that kind of thing on a person of my age group (too young for that) and the blood levels that came back doesn’t make sense either despite the fact that my GP noted them down as ‘satisfactory’. I know that I probably do have something long term which isn’t going to be pleasant to live with as I get older. This is the price you pay for abusing painkillers and having a few years of bingeing on alcohol … kids it isn’t a good idea. I’m 35 in a few weeks but I feel like that age should be flipped most days. I’m always tired, can’t lose weight easily and my sleep pattern is somewhat a complete disaster. I kind of roll with it but it can be really irritating when you’re awake at a stupid hour. I was awake and aching last night. I wasn’t aching when I woke up after finally getting asleep so didn’t need to take a painkiller etc. I don’t take them unless I absolutely have to due to previously getting hooked on them. I still have a finger injury and knee injury that sometimes does get quite inflamed, so I have to take a dose. Ice works ok most of the time. I was waiting in line to pay for a chilled drink earlier. I put it just above my knee where it swells up to bring it down while I was waiting to pay in the queue. That didn’t help initially that much when I first injured it but now it’s like a quick fix. I still have a stiff finger which occasionally hurts but not often. It’s swollen though. I haven’t eaten all day because I literally got up later and went straight out. It’s not like my body is going to not be able to feed off its own fat though. I need to lose a few more stone so it won’t harm it to eat from its fat stores for about 15 hours. I last ate later in the evening last night. I had enough to really take me through until this evening. I had two meals yesterday so my body definitely won’t not have enough calories to last until this evening. I went for a little walk earlier in between the rain. I nearly did 10,000 steps. I can’t not move my knee when it does come up otherwise it gets stiff. I managed to miss the rain by a few minutes. It luckily cleared up by the time I’d got out the car.

I do feel like my existence just makes things difficult sometimes.

I just accidentally woke Mimi (cat) up by moving my legs in my bed. It woke her up, so she wasn’t happy. I guess that means my existence is currently annoying her. She literally would love the bed all to herself. She seems more settled tonight because I’ve put an extra feed in for her. I cut their food because vet said Mister should lose weight. That resulted in Mimi being hungry. I now wait for him to go out in the evening and give her a full sachet to herself. She has settled down a lot and is no longer waking me up several times a night.

Anyway, onto the main subject of tonight’s blog. I am pretty sure that my existence is quite irritating and inconvenient to others. The fact that my allergies kick off at even things like dust can be even irritating for me. I have really bad irritated skin at the moment. I don’t know if the chemical issues I have with the bath is making it feel sore and itchy but it can go like this anyway. I got this from genetics. Dad had asthma and allergies, that runs down the male side, as a female I got the diluted part that contains just the allergy part. I swear that more stuff is setting my skin off as I get older. I even got accused of self-harming by the child protection team during a contact with my son. I had reacted to the heat and had to itch my chest while wearing a lower cut top. That came up with redness and scratch marks where I had to itch. They asked me what I had done to which I tried to tell them it was allergy related but I doubt they believed me. I am sure that others have thought the same but haven’t said anything. The worse thing that my allergies was when I took an overdose when suicidal. I was literally allergic to the stuff that they gave me to reverse the damage to my liver etc. I refused to have another bag full through my IV line after the first one making my ears feel like they were swelling up. We all know my autism etc has just complicated things. I now distance myself from stuff as a way to have peace away from situations that get complicated. Physically, my body is really doing my head in. I’m very bloated in the run up to monthly anyway. I ache all over from probably walking too much but I have to otherwise I won’t lose the weight. The swollen finger is making doing everyday things more challenging. It’s the hand I use to write with etc. The physical injuries have manifested after the covid vaccinations. I don’t care what they try to say. I have never had multiple injuries happen one after the other. I’m also quite sure my allergies have also not kicked off so much before I had the initial two vaccinations and the booster. I always get skin rashes from time to time. I get one on my hand or both hands every summer during hay fever season. There was one particular year in my early 20’s where the rash went up my arm and it literally looked like boiling hot water had been poured over it. That never happened again and there was no indication of what caused it that year. Sometimes I can be using everything that I normally do and still have my skin flare up or my nose start running. The fact that I can react to anything as small as dust must be really annoying to other people. I can remember not being allowed to spray deodorant when I lived at home due to my dad’s asthma and later on lung condition which it turned into later on in his life. I found that really irritating at the time.