Today’s meeting was a small part of the puzzle.

I’m sorry I didn’t elaborate earlier. I needed a rest because I got broken sleep last night and got so tired. There isn’t a lot to say about the meeting. It’s just part of the process that needs to be done toward the section 117 aftercare. I knew that I had to go to it for the next part of the process to go. The legal process of all parts of the system is a string of what needs to be done to get to what the desired outcome. I was obviously anxious last night because I had a dream where I woke up to a screech that sounded more like a scream as I woke up. Then my cat was responsible for waking me up three more times. I was not happy with her. She never normally wakes me up like that. I don’t know why she decided to do that on a day that I have to go out. The other things that I am trying to materialise have to be dealt with separately. The parties involved in the restraining order. Me and A have to get that taken off. I won’t get that unless A by some miracle decides to let go of her obsessive need to protect herself. I have always felt it in her energy. I’m sure that things have happened to her but I make her be reactive in certain ways. I read peoples energies remember. I am one person she definitely doesn’t need to be afraid of… I know that many undesirables say trust me. I’m quite blunt in regard to who I am. There is nothing hidden or sinister about me. I don’t trust anyone either. Why would I hurt anyone? That was never my intention back at university. I have absolutely nothing to gain from attacking anyone else who doesn’t agree with me. I literally am too tired nowadays. If the university politics etc hasn’t been so utterly ridiculous then what happened wouldn’t have happened. We all now have the chance to fix it… if that is what we want to do. I do. The order will be on my record for ten years even if it was discharged tomorrow. At least one of the other students that were in the class I was in graduated to work in America etc. I won’t be allowed in certain other countries that I did want to go to when I grew up. That order being ongoing indefinite makes that just not an option for me. I’m restricted enough with my disability in regard to life options so it’s unfair to keep me in certain circumstances. People keep telling me it’s not all about me… well, it isn’t all about what others have any either. It’s selfishness from each party regardless of which way you look at it. So it can work both ways. Why should I have always been the one to sacrifice what I wanted for the sake of others? It always seems to have been like that when you’re an adult with a disability within the system. I was always sure that I was supposed to meet A. She literally has a law degree so if we started with the order removal then we could team up to fix other things. That was how it was supposed to be. I firmly believe because I’m the one with psychic abilities that what happened was a malfunction. The current is not supposed to be. I will stick to my guns. There is absolutely no changing my mind. I’m not crazy, I have just always be able to ‘just know’.

Author: Diary of a Painfully Shy Introvert

A blog written by a female diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome but suspected PDA in more recent years. Musings of a Trainee Battleaxe was created to not only create awareness of the PDA part of the spectrum; but also to educate the public hopefully creating understanding in order to stop future generations being let down and labelled negatively. Disclaimer: There may be parts of this blog which viewers may find upsetting as it contains accounts of real life events which have been quite traumatic. However, it is all to help create a sense of understanding and combat the fear surrounding all aspects of mental illness and Pathological Avoidance Syndrome (a very little understood part of the autistic spectrum).

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