I don’t think people realise how my reality is not a choice and I’m not portraying it in a negative light.

I’m not portraying my life in a negative way. This is purely the reality of my life having a form of autism. I have tried to change my life but it’s never progressed in any way. The comments about how I see everything as negative is wrong. I am merely discussing the reality of being autistic. It does legitimately suck. I’ve been to get my education in an attempt to improve my life. I still haven’t progressed though. The effort never pays off because of the stigma around autism and mental health issues out there. Society actively works against me. Others refuse to give me what I need. That isn’t being negative. That is simply being blunt about it. I got to the point where I no longer try to go back into the education system or try anything new in life because the stuff I’ve been through has put me off. It is the only way for me to have a quiet life and not get treated awfully for my autism etc. People have tried to justify that treatment by trying to separate the term autism from the traits that I have. This hasn’t been helpful and has let ableism flourish around me. I have tried to change my life. Every single time I do I’m stopped by others. I was pushed out and when I didn’t go willingly or let go of what parts of society wanted me to do, they forced me. I ended up burnt out to the point my behaviour problems really kicked off which the system knew they were able to do if they pushed me enough. Imagine how it felt for me when I wanted to have a child. I was offered an abortion by adult services, I refused so they referred me to childrens services for ‘support’ which just resulted in me being pushed to fail and my son being forcibly adopted. The same goes for education system. I opened up to people because I was emotionally suffering after that and each time got asked to leave and then forced to leave when I refused just to take it. People have always done this to me when my behaviour problems have kicked off. I was just trying to communicate in my own way because I couldn’t do it like a normal person. I was punished for that regardless of the way others like to dress it up. I even don’t get support because my autism didn’t affect me in what was seen as the traditional way. I’m left to struggle barely functioning on a daily basis. I hate even waking up because I struggle to function that much. But no, keep telling me that I make out everything is negative. It’s reality and I also have to fight myself to still go out into the world for even every day stuff. I’ve had people attack me so much that at one point the manager of the charity that provided my support before they stopped it all together, had actual conversations that were had online where I was saying how unhappy I was with my support. I had my grounds. They literally used details from my past history to prevent me having a female worker. I wasn’t comfortable with a male one. It was making me emotionally worse and unsettled. I kept being told that it was the council giving instructions that I wasn’t allowed a female worker. That is the kind of cruelty I’ve had to put up with due to how my autism has affected me. I’m not saying the male support worker was awful but as a female having males enter your home is not a preference that makes you feel comfortable. They’ve gone way too over the top with health and safety nowadays. They think that everyone who is different in a way people aren’t used to is a potential danger. The care within the system has completely gone. It’s cold and no one who works in it really can emphasise with the clients.

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