Schedule kind of gone off today / views on panorama program Wednesday night.

I have been kind of busier than planned today. I had to go replace my bedding because mister peed on it. I have to take mister to the vets if they will accept him on an emergency basis (PDSA hospital in our locality is currently in that status). I’m told that they class potential UTI’s as an emergency because as they get worse the cat may stop being able to go toilet etc. The bedding that I had was wearing out so it was easier to replace them. It was getting quite late when I finally put up the new stuff on and sat down to eat. I fell asleep already for a bit until the cats woke me up wanting to come back in. I actually relaxed tonight. I don’t know if it’s comfortable new pillows or that I had been rushing about since I got up. I did my food shop for the week while I was out getting new bedding so that if mister needs to go to the vet I’m able to just take him without other stuff getting in the way.

I had a plan to write a blog entry specifically in relation to the panorama episode about the mental health hospital abuse. I didn’t get chance to do so. I’m just going to go through my observations briefly. I was horrified but somewhat not surprised by the footage which was revealed from the undercover reporter. There is a huge problem in these types of places that have been swept under the rug for many years. I was in one of these types of places as a teenager. I was sectioned by the court so I could not leave. I came off of section after 6 months on the agreement that I would go into a residential care home. That was between the ages of 18 and 22. In all honesty, I would not call the environment therapeutic. I came out of there with more attachment issues than when I went into that environment. I didn’t feel like I had stability in those places. I was the most ‘normal’ one there so I couldn’t really make friends on my own level. There was also staff that treated me badly for that reason. I didn’t feel bullied or singled out but back then a lot of nastiness was just passed off as banter. It was worse that the company was very localised in a small town so the community consisted of a lot of staff. I did feel that I was looked down on when out in the community etc when they realised where I came from. The stigma of the care kid is how I’m told it is known. In regards to the medications that those nurses were messing up. That was potentially dangerous. The specific medication that was mentioned; I know people who are on that. They are required to have a blood test to check levels of things in their body so that the dosage stays safe. I’m highly doubtful that the hospital in question was ensuring that patients went for those tests if they couldn’t even monitor the in house system. The medication can and has caused deaths without the levels being maintained. The patients simply don’t go into these environments to ‘get better’. Most of the time it’s more of a let’s put them on a cocktail of medication to see which makes them more manageable and ‘quiet’. In comparison to some patients, I was only in that environment for a short time. The 4 ish years I was in there felt like an eternity. That felt like it was going to be my life forever. I was never the same again after that. The system has been keeping notes on me for years that was used against me when it came to having my son. The trauma built up and only nowadays professionals are actually recognising that people can be traumatised. They don’t see those trauma responses as ‘bad behaviour’ or a sign that someone is mentally unstable. It’s still early days but at least there is medical profession acknowledgment.

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