I will be brutally honest here.

I am beyond tired and can’t get back to sleep. It hasn’t helped that my nose and eyes have started running. Those that said they would never walk away but did in my life are to blame for me reaching burn out. You left me. It wasn’t just A. S left me too after saying they would never do that. I’m with my disability 24/7. I could cry at times. I would give anything to be able to ‘step away’ from it for a while. I may have been a handful at times and done stupid things but the way I was treated was completely out of order. That has led to this burn out and just existing in this life. I don’t even want to be awake most days. Then I can’t sleep. It is utter hell. I’m not making excuses but I made my mistakes out of naivety and lack of experience. I have never been in a proper relationship. The rules are extremely alien to me. They do not make sense to me. The norm isn’t logical at all. Why not be more straight forward when it comes to relationships? There seems far too many games played and going around the houses. Superficial is a waste of time. I want authenticity. The authenticity in this world in general is scarce. Everyone seems to be fake. I’m drained by how I’ve been treated. I was new to this world and got metaphorically kicked around by those much older than me for just desiring love. That is all I ever wanted. I must have bad karma because all I got was the opposite. That wasn’t fair to me whatsoever. I ended up on my own so what is the point in being alive? There is nothing. Nothing ever gets done because I’m so tired. I’m just stuck waiting until I finally die which I hope is soon.

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