Well, I’m awake again.

The owl that just started hooting outside isn’t helping me not be able to sleep. I had a bat fly across my path while walking earlier which has never happened to me before. I got up briefly to take a painkiller for knee and finger injury. Hopefully it will help with cold like symptoms too. I seem to have caught one or this is allergies (hair dye was used less than 48 hours ago). I’m not sure what it is yet. I’ve had itchy skin which doesn’t happen with colds. I have a sore throat and runny nose which I probably caused by going to bed with damp hair last night. It’s not a good idea. I just don’t like putting hair dryer on that late. Noise travels when you live in a flat. I didn’t finish my hair until 2 am, waited for it to dry for a few hours and then got tired enough to go to bed. Anyway, if I’ve ended up sick because of it going to bed with damp hair it’s my own fault. The same goes for if I am allergic to the chemicals I put on my hair to lighten it. I only have myself to blame. I was watching stuff about manifestations online earlier. They say if you doubt that something will ever happen then it will make it less likely to ever happen. But if I know that there is probably no chance of others doing what I need then how do I not think that? It’s a no win situation. I can think positive but still have that element of doubt in my head. That element of doubt will continue to prevent A from ever stepping forward and putting the past to rest with me. I have such a set belief that she will never take those steps that I’m preventing any type of fluke like miracle happening. I don’t know how to stop the doubts in my head.

Author: Diary of a Painfully Shy Introvert

A blog written by a female diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome but suspected PDA in more recent years. Musings of a Trainee Battleaxe was created to not only create awareness of the PDA part of the spectrum; but also to educate the public hopefully creating understanding in order to stop future generations being let down and labelled negatively. Disclaimer: There may be parts of this blog which viewers may find upsetting as it contains accounts of real life events which have been quite traumatic. However, it is all to help create a sense of understanding and combat the fear surrounding all aspects of mental illness and Pathological Avoidance Syndrome (a very little understood part of the autistic spectrum).

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