It’s been a long emotional few days.

I’m extremely tired because I haven’t been feeling well and also pick things up which isn’t a great skill to possess at this time. I think that I might be anemic again because I feel extremely weak since the heavy part of monthly happened. I feel completely drained. The radio was playing sad songs after they announced the queen’s funeral date. I like those songs but please don’t inflict them upon me one after the other because that is just emotionally too much. I’m struggling on a personal level without that on top. I don’t know why I still feel A’s energy connected to me after we haven’t seen or spoke to each other in years. I don’t want to feel that connection because it hurts me after what happened. I know it’s difficult for me to not get these things because I feel stuff. Right now, due to what is going on out there, I’m literally being bombarded with all those feelings surrounding what has happened with the queen. There is a vast amount of grief but also other feelings like anger and in some cases relief floating about. I probably wouldn’t be feeling so affected by my own past stuff if it wasn’t so unsettled out there. There is a collective feeling of being lost (not just due to the queen no longer being around but also all the other stuff that is happening in general). I’ve never picked up things so strongly since the pandemic period and that even wasn’t at the same intensity. This feeling is like a lid is about to blow off. The one during the pandemic was like a boiling pot simmering. As a collective, we seem to have had enough at this point. The pandemic feels like chilled out times in comparison to now.

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