I decided to pop out to do my weekly shop this evening when it was quieter. I swear that the universe is trying to rub it in. The queen’s funeral is now on A’s birthday. I can’t avoid a date associated with her because the whole television will be taken over by the funeral coverage. I can’t get over it. Nothing was ever fixed and things were just left in the air. It really hurt me on top of already being traumatised by what went on. A will never realise what implications she caused indirectly for my life. I know the whole university was under the culture of a shady chancellor which didn’t help what was happening within it. I need peace and right now I can’t get it. I can barely sleep at night because even when I do sleep I end up waking up with nightmares of being in police cells and prison etc, that’s not the worse, the worse ones are the weird cryptic ones where people just appear. I know that A doesn’t care how much it hurt me. If she did then she would have made an effort to fix it all. Then I must deserve the pain of the situation to continue because A could set me free by doing certain things.