I’m not happy, no longer being the one who does anything.

I run this blog putting myself out there to improve understanding of the type of disability I have (ASD/ASC) and mental illness (also suspected BPD but not officially diagnosed). I don’t know why I even bother most of the time. Tonight, I found out that someone that put the order on me now works with those who are mentally unwell or along those lines. That makes it worse what they did to me. What makes my situation or me as a person with a disability, which contributed to what happened, any less deserving of understanding? Why should I be punished? Am I that evil? I took it personally, very personally. I walked for a long time tonight. I was really pissed off. I take my work with the blog and trying to change attitudes very seriously. I absolutely hate putting myself on display and guard my personal life while being open at the same time. I do not sleep properly because the past keeps me awake. Others don’t even bother to improve it for me. They could easily. I struggle due to my autism. They continue to leave things as they are because for some reason I ‘deserve’ that. I only just avoided a BPD meltdown which shows how much I’ve matured as I got older.

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