Those that say just do it aren’t aware that things are complicated.

I love the utter naivety of people who literally preach the message if you do love someone or at least care about them you’ll do what is required for them to be in your life at some point. I would have said that a decade ago as a youngster. Then I found out the complexities of life. We all know I still want to make things right with A but that would require me to ask a court to remove a court order. I would have to be brave enough to unblock her to either be continued to be ignored or get an extremely awful response back. She could literally get me arrested due to the order if she felt like it. I don’t care what my intuitive part is telling me, the past makes me unable to trust that side of me on this one. Those two parts of me fight on this one. I will have to convince a court which people tell me that it will be easy for me to do because of the current aura I have around me and the fact that I am one of those attractive ones (although I cannot see that myself). I’m too shy to go up in front of a court to say what is required. It would be better if we both did it but I’m not sure the other person is in the position to do courts etc anymore. I would have to get them there with the order still live which is very risky for me. I don’t feel safe going near them in case I get accused of something. So yes, it is so much more complicated than doing what is required if you want to reconnect and put the past behind both parties. I know now that we were basically played off against each other for a long time. Those around me are totally against me trying to fix it all. I’m not happy being stuck in the status quo but there is no way to fix it without so many things that could backfire. I like my peaceful life and if we came together again fate would make it upside down and definitely no longer peaceful. If she could communicate to me that she would support the idea then I’d be more willing to take the actions required to bring the status quo to an end with the order etc.