Very tired today.

The mattress has come already so I’m going to have a few more hours sleep. I’m very tired from yesterday. It felt very long due to being up early and then waking up during the night. I feel sick. I feel down because the scale also shot up a tiny bit this morning. I looked larger yesterday. I have the whole bloat thing going on due to being due on next week. I know it’s probably that but I’ve been trying so hard to lose weight to get back to my former self. I just don’t want to feel like I’m battling my own body which is exactly how it feels at this point of the month. It fights me by filling up with water and my efforts don’t show. I’ve been in a calorie deficit but I don’t seem to be able to achieve as much weight loss as other women doing similar due to my hormones. It gets stalled every time over those two weeks. I don’t eat more or exercise less. I know my sleep pattern doesn’t help but that isn’t easy to fix. I also know that if I don’t try to get sleep during the day, I’m going to be so moody during that two week before my monthly starts. That is how it’s always been. If I’m going to get into some sort of conflict with another it is always around that time. I just let all my anger out or say exactly what I mean. I do care normally what I say… but not when my hormones are at that point. I hate arguing etc normally but catch me at this point I will be in the ‘I will finish you if you start on me’ frame of mind. I can’t physically fight but I can and will launch a war of words. I am brutal, I will bring the one thing up that I know will piss off the other person or the most hurtful thing that I can think of that will personally really get under someone’s skin. It’s not a choice. Don’t poke the hornets nest when she’s got hormones kicking off.

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