This is my life… no one has the right to judge unless they too experience it.

After being awake all night… again for the millionth time in weeks. I would just like to express how annoying my reality can be. I am weird. That is just one of those things. I do however have to be weird to cope with certain things. You have absolutely no idea what it is like to just get a wave of emotion hit you in the street. The fact that you just want to cry. The sweeping emotions if you enter a crowded place or room with multiple people and it feels like a ton of bricks hitting you. I can hear really tiny noises due to my autism which on top is just too much sometimes. I can smell things a mile off. I have been literally known to say I think so and so maybe nearly here because I smelt their perfume/aftershave even before they walked into the room. Animals just walk up to me randomly. I’m talking mostly dogs or cats. I’ve had horses and cows come to the edge of field fences before too. It’s like they are naturally connected to me. I talk to them and they actually seem like they understand me. The constant inability to sleep because your mind is picking up whatever is floating about from others etc. I was born into a crazy world that doesn’t understand me. There is something about me but it’s not what people have assumed. There are things I have been able to do which I don’t particularly like. Multiple occasions of my life I have been in someone’s presence and for some reason they have stood out to me. It is invisible and something to do with the energy aura around them. A few months later, these people had passed away suddenly. They weren’t even ill etc. Dreams that happened in real life multiple times. I still get them but not so much nowadays. Then I just get feelings or thoughts popping into my head which are accurate to something that pops up in my life. The deja vu I’m experiencing in my life at the moment is unreal. I was scared of all the stuff at first. I have to accept it because it will never go away. This seems to have grown stronger as I’ve aged. I knew that it wasn’t going to be easy coming off antidepressants due to the fact that they masked what I am able to do. It never turns off though and right now I just want a rest. I don’t want to have energy connecting to me from the past, present or future. I need a break.

I literally have headache which I accidentally made worse by sticking air freshener pods in each room. They literally make it worse due to being slightly allergic to them. I don’t want the place smelling like cats etc for inspection tomorrow. I think I also may have accidentally gave myself food poisoning because of warming my dinner up later after cooking it before I went for a walk. I need sleep to feel less crap.

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