I can’t sleep so I’m just going to have a brutally honest rant.

Insomnia has got me again. So… it’s time for a rant. Those that tell me there is help and support out there if you ask. That is complete bullshit. Especially if you have a condition such as autism. I was obviously crying out for help in the past. I didn’t get any. I got punished instead. Suspected BPD? We aren’t even going to deal with that. The assessment I did walk into I was attacked and accused of doing stuff I hadn’t done. I was constantly sent to the forensics team which hurt me a lot in itself. That was due to being labelled as a criminal for my issues. That team was never appropriate for me. There is supposedly a team which deals with autism stuff at county hall, however, I have never had any help from them. I’ve had a vast amount of professionals who do not have a clue around me over the years before my support got ceased. They were a waste of space and never treated their clients with respect. Instead, they spoke down to them. I also had people make fun of me due to being what many uneducated people see as high functioning. If I phoned the GP for support I would be told to go back on my antidepressants. Why the hell should I be on medication because society isn’t providing the appropriate support for my disability? It’s masking massive holes in the system. It was just masking my trauma and making my behaviour problems worse in the past. If I had asked to come off my antidepressants officially, they wouldn’t have ever let me because that is the only support the GP can offer. They have tried to refer me to the mental health team several times over a long period of time. They rejected the request on the basis that they could not offer support required due to having autism as my diagnosis rather than a specified mental health condition. If I had completed that assessment, they would have probably labelled me with something like anti-social personality disorder. That was their plan when I was younger so that they wouldn’t have to provide help and support. They couldn’t diagnose me that young because I wasn’t in the right age category at the time I first went to court as a teenager. Yes, I suffer very much. That wouldn’t be the case if I had APF. BPD would cause me to suffer a lot. I don’t want to live like this. The reality sucks. The alternative of having supposed help and support has never gone well previously. I even get told by my mother that I’m better off away from the system. That the system ruined my life etc. Even she has no idea about autism though. The reason why I need things a certain way and why I see things a certain way etc.

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