Diet culture and this isn’t depression.

I would like to point out that despite the fact I’m crying regularly, that isn’t depression. That is me being aware of reality as a disabled person. I never was depressed. The medication caused behaviour problems because it masked the affects that trauma had on my mind. I am sad because I know my reality will never change. That isn’t depression. There is no way in hell I will be going back on antidepressants. They are not for me. I’m also irked by my ingrown toenail that has broken off from the main bit and started growing into the side of my big toe. I can’t get it. I put a plaster on it until my appointment with that place in early September. I’m hoping that with the plaster keeping it soft and moist it will cause less discomfort for the remaining few weeks.

Then there is diet culture. I cannot stand it. I would love to know how individuals can be a size 4. They can’t be eating food. There is no way you can still actually eat and be that size. I have only ever got down to a size 6 briefly when I wasn’t eating much trying to stop my son’s adoption. I don’t naturally sit at anything under a size 8 to 10. Larger if I get into a cycle of food and alcohol, accompanied by medication which has occurred twice in my life. This is the second time I’ve had to slim back down because I became a fat pig with no self-control. I used to be quite ok with my natural size 8 to 10 frame but now I want to slim down smaller because apparently that is seen as mid-size now (I swear it never used to be). It’s going to annoy me because I am quite sure I can’t get smaller than an 8. I’m sure as hell going to have a go but I am sure those that are something like a size 4 (US size 0) don’t eat. There’s no way that they could keep that small eating actual food.

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