I know people my age who still have grandparents and great grandparents alive. That isn’t my reality. I have lived longer without my grandparents than with them. I was born later so my grandparents were at least 70 when I came into existence. I have older parents which means they would be 70 odd now. I will shut up before my mum gets pissed off that I have just vaguely given her age away. I lost my dad in my early 20s so haven’t had a complete family life in over a decade. He had an illness for most of my life so we were limited for a long time toward the end. Also, I was away for a while as a teenager due to my autism so that my normal is definitely not like other peoples. I have limited sympathy for those losing their parents and grandparents now because they should be able to cope with it if a 10 year old and someone in their early 20s coped with it. Some of us were punished for our grief and had no choice but to suck it up and carry on. Try having your child forcibly adopted too because that kind of grief many around you don’t get and punish you even more. I was born alone and my life path is to walk alone regardless of what I wanted in my younger years. I have no proper friends in real life because I was too traumatised to mix for years and when I have gone out those people I met turned out to be complete shits, especially when it comes to making friends with other females. That is brutal in so many ways. The whole bitchiness and competitive natures are horrendous to deal with. We can’t even help who we are as most females have that kind of nature.
I just also want to point out that I tried the not eating much over a certain number of calories yesterday. The scale went up two digits from 78.5 kg to 78.7 this morning so that doesn’t work. I even did exercise in the middle of the night. That is why I am on a walk today (hoping it’s ready for this) trying to push my body back in a fat burning direction.
Diary of a Painfully Shy Introvert Blog 