I’m not the favourite and my life is technically over.

I always got looked at as the favourite because it seemed like I got everything I wanted. That isn’t the truth. I put up with a lot and never say no … that doesn’t make me the favourite. I got offered to go to Australia by my aunt (who technically did what Olivia newton john did, she was born here and moved over there) last time she was here just before the pandemic hit. That is because I’m quiet and won’t be holding parties etc. Others that she could have invited aren’t quiet and would probably do that. I didn’t go because it’s a massive thing to go on a plane to another country that I don’t know. I may not even cope with the plane journey as only been on one to Spain and back as a teenager. That was a small amount of time in comparison and the cheapest flights involve stop overs to wait for another. That means fighting anxiety multiple times. I’m not afraid but it’s a new thing. I also don’t want the comments that might get said about my weight. I was a few stone lighter last time she saw me. I can imagine that I’m ‘huge’ now. I woke up today extremely bloated around my stomach. I’m hoping my liver isn’t kicking back at how many days I have been taking painkillers for my finger / leg injury. It cannot be fat as I have cut my calories because I can’t move much due to injuries. I am just about done with my monthly so that is one thing done. I’m so fed up of being injured. The finger is worse to deal with than my leg. It’s curved over and gone weaker to the point that I have to use the other hand to open things. I’m right handed so using my left hand to do stuff is quite challenging as that side doesn’t have the natural strength that is in the other side. I still have stuff to do like mopping the floor and cleaning she surfaces in my flat but I’m taking it slowly because it hurts my hand and moving about on my leg is difficult due to the pulling feeling. On a positive note, I may have woken up feeling like complete shit but according to my phone I actually got 7 hours sleep last night, better then my normal 4 when sleep pattern is a mess. I was in bed by midnight… that doesn’t happen often. If I am going to keep getting injuries then my life is over. I can’t make any plans because the next day I pay for it. I felt fine when I tried to go for a walk after the muscle around my knee felt reasonably ok… that was until the next day when it kicked back with vengeance. It isn’t even like a proper pain. It’s a pulling ache caused by the damage in both my finger and knee. This must be connected to my blood test results because the ones the doctors marked satisfactory were lower than they should be. I looked it up and that was to do with muscles so that could be connected. I do need to push them because I’ve had enough of suffering. Things have got progressively worse in the last 7 years. I may have got off lightly with my monthly this time but I am injured. They must be connected due to the timing of the injuries. They were all coming to fruition around that time. If the levels in my blood are not supporting my body then it will get injured easily. That is what happens. I can boost myself with vitamin supplements on top of healthy food all I like but some people can’t absorb certain vitamins so all my efforts may not help. Those that can’t absorb things have to have injections so it goes in directly. I try my best but my health problems just don’t go away. I can’t even go the gym while I’m like this because I’m injured both ends so can’t do weights on either.

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