It’s not that easy.

People say that all I have to do is put myself out there to be successful. I used to but was put through stuff that left me with permanent mental trauma. That mental trauma is manifesting into physical issues such as constant injuries and monthly issues. I can barely walk today without my leg being painful and stiff. It felt like I had climbed uphill just having a bath, washing my hair and cooking my dinner. I started coughing too so hopefully I haven’t caught covid. I will do a test just in case. I’m not lazy or being difficult by not going out or volunteering etc. I did all that and look what the world outside did to me. I can’t mentally go through that all again. I was ambitious when I was younger but that has all gone now. I am constantly exhausted and some of my past has left mental scars which will continue to affect me. It has got worse as I have got older. I don’t trust anyone out there. People that have judged me wrongly and made out that I was someone I weren’t won’t make it right. That makes a barrier for me. The hurt that people saw me like that has got into my head and intertwined itself into my sense of self worth and it won’t undo.

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