I just plain don’t like it. BPD is a result of the behaviour of others.

I am going to say exactly what I probably have never been so direct about. This is because it’s the right time. BPD is basically a condition that was given to me by how I was treated for my autism. I ended up sensitive to rejection because I was always the one left out. I didn’t like being left out but after I developed BPD it literally caused me distress and affected how I functioned. The fact that I grew up in a small area made it worse. People don’t even have to do anything to get rejected… sometimes it is down to people gossiping about twisted versions of facts from a persons life. I haven’t heard wild gossip about me but no one ever tells you to your face if they know it to be an outright lie. I see everyone else adding each other to social media but not me. It is like I am never good enough to know and that really hurts. I am hates for how my autism has affected me. That is half fair but I do feel also it has a lot to do with outside influences. I don’t personally know those outside influences talking about me like they do know me. That is why I am trying to get off that 117 section aftercare (alongside the fact that they haven’t provided me with disability services for nearly 5 or 6 years). I will finally be equal in the eyes of the law since any record I had is now spent. That is what I want and need. The fact that my disability and undiagnosed BPD made me act like a weirdo at points of my life shouldn’t mean I have to be subjected to the way I was treated by others for years. Those in certain jobs can’t be seen to be interacting with undesirables. In technicality sense I am no longer a criminal because my record is spent. I feel like I have to be out here in the blog in public trying to prove to those that never gave me a chance that I am worth the chance that they never gave me. Trying to prove that I am not the labels and that society was wrong about me due to just not understanding me. I will probably end up humiliated but I feel very strongly about proving I am not below others etc.

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