I just plain don’t like it. BPD is a result of the behaviour of others.

I am going to say exactly what I probably have never been so direct about. This is because it’s the right time. BPD is basically a condition that was given to me by how I was treated for my autism. I ended up sensitive to rejection because I was always the one left out. I didn’t like being left out but after I developed BPD it literally caused me distress and affected how I functioned. The fact that I grew up in a small area made it worse. People don’t even have to do anything to get rejected… sometimes it is down to people gossiping about twisted versions of facts from a persons life. I haven’t heard wild gossip about me but no one ever tells you to your face if they know it to be an outright lie. I see everyone else adding each other to social media but not me. It is like I am never good enough to know and that really hurts. I am hates for how my autism has affected me. That is half fair but I do feel also it has a lot to do with outside influences. I don’t personally know those outside influences talking about me like they do know me. That is why I am trying to get off that 117 section aftercare (alongside the fact that they haven’t provided me with disability services for nearly 5 or 6 years). I will finally be equal in the eyes of the law since any record I had is now spent. That is what I want and need. The fact that my disability and undiagnosed BPD made me act like a weirdo at points of my life shouldn’t mean I have to be subjected to the way I was treated by others for years. Those in certain jobs can’t be seen to be interacting with undesirables. In technicality sense I am no longer a criminal because my record is spent. I feel like I have to be out here in the blog in public trying to prove to those that never gave me a chance that I am worth the chance that they never gave me. Trying to prove that I am not the labels and that society was wrong about me due to just not understanding me. I will probably end up humiliated but I feel very strongly about proving I am not below others etc.

Author: Diary of a Painfully Shy Introvert

A blog written by a female diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome but suspected PDA in more recent years. Musings of a Trainee Battleaxe was created to not only create awareness of the PDA part of the spectrum; but also to educate the public hopefully creating understanding in order to stop future generations being let down and labelled negatively. Disclaimer: There may be parts of this blog which viewers may find upsetting as it contains accounts of real life events which have been quite traumatic. However, it is all to help create a sense of understanding and combat the fear surrounding all aspects of mental illness and Pathological Avoidance Syndrome (a very little understood part of the autistic spectrum).

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