Its disheartening to step on scales after a lot of exercise and actually gained weight.

I am fed up. I went down to 78 kg then back up to 79.5 and now 80 kg this morning. I look fatty despite the daily walks. I even did nearly 26,000 steps one day last week. 15,000 to 16,000 at least 5 times a week. I still am weight training. I even have dumbbells of 5kg which I use between gym sessions. I know that I should go the gym at least 2 times a week but chronic illness makes me extremely tired and I can only manage to push myself as far as my body allows before it kicks back at me. I often wonder if I should give up and accept being this weight. I don’t seem to be burning it off much. I get too tired and can’t quit drinking. Tapering myself off antidepressants hasn’t helped. I have done everything apart from ditch alcohol. I am finding that the hardest part. I drank every night for a whole week and weight went up so the hint couldn’t be bigger. I am surprised that the sugar in the alcoholic pops hasn’t made me ill. I feel on edge after drinking them every night for a week. I get wired to sleep due to the caffeine in them. I can tell that the levels are coming back down because I am less wired tonight. The fact that the liquid is blue coloured probably hints that the chemicals in it are worse than the alcohol content. I don’t even like it any longer. It became an evening habit when I came in to relax.

Author: Diary of a Painfully Shy Introvert

A blog written by a female diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome but suspected PDA in more recent years. Musings of a Trainee Battleaxe was created to not only create awareness of the PDA part of the spectrum; but also to educate the public hopefully creating understanding in order to stop future generations being let down and labelled negatively. Disclaimer: There may be parts of this blog which viewers may find upsetting as it contains accounts of real life events which have been quite traumatic. However, it is all to help create a sense of understanding and combat the fear surrounding all aspects of mental illness and Pathological Avoidance Syndrome (a very little understood part of the autistic spectrum).

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