Its disheartening to step on scales after a lot of exercise and actually gained weight.

I am fed up. I went down to 78 kg then back up to 79.5 and now 80 kg this morning. I look fatty despite the daily walks. I even did nearly 26,000 steps one day last week. 15,000 to 16,000 at least 5 times a week. I still am weight training. I even have dumbbells of 5kg which I use between gym sessions. I know that I should go the gym at least 2 times a week but chronic illness makes me extremely tired and I can only manage to push myself as far as my body allows before it kicks back at me. I often wonder if I should give up and accept being this weight. I don’t seem to be burning it off much. I get too tired and can’t quit drinking. Tapering myself off antidepressants hasn’t helped. I have done everything apart from ditch alcohol. I am finding that the hardest part. I drank every night for a whole week and weight went up so the hint couldn’t be bigger. I am surprised that the sugar in the alcoholic pops hasn’t made me ill. I feel on edge after drinking them every night for a week. I get wired to sleep due to the caffeine in them. I can tell that the levels are coming back down because I am less wired tonight. The fact that the liquid is blue coloured probably hints that the chemicals in it are worse than the alcohol content. I don’t even like it any longer. It became an evening habit when I came in to relax.