I need to stop drinking alcohol.

I have increased the amount I drank of alcohol recently. It crept up again along with the scale numbers. I don’t enjoy alcohol anymore. I just end up really anxious and unable to sleep. I now need to push the scale back down and never actually make any progress. I hate myself for deciding to even start drinking again. I have neglected my surroundings so now it smells in here. I feel sick, bloated and fat. I just can’t completely ditch the stuff and that is really stressful. I didn’t even drink alcohol for a period of time. I didn’t even miss it but now I keep going back to it after chilling with a few packs during lockdown. I even despise it as I am drinking it. I need to not buy another pack because I am screaming at myself no.