I’m in pain and tired.

I used to be so into fighting for justice and whatever else. I can’t do any of that any longer. I am tired and in pain. I don’t have the strength in me to fight for any cause any longer. I am that emotionally tired and physically tired I am crying. I am fed up of everyone being on different sides. Why do we have to fight over everything? Why can’t there just be peace? I shouldn’t had to have to fight for the things others take for granted just because people misunderstand and judge aspects of my disability. I don’t want to be surrounded by hate just because of my disability traits. I want a horse drawn carriage for future reference. Animals can be trusted more than humans to take me anywhere and unlike humans they listen. I am tired. The end of my journey won’t be a choice. It will be what is meant to be. I have limited control. I am not even suicidal. I am just too tired for this life now. I want to go home and I ask for that every night. I don’t want to be in such a hateful world which isn’t set to get anything better. I am fed up of being in pain and exhausted when I try to do stuff. I am existing only until I am allowed to go. I have asked for permission from whatever controls life to free me. I don’t have the guts to take myself. I trust what gives me my intuitive abilities to do what I have asked. It may not be straight away but intentions build after the energy is sent out.

Author: Diary of a Painfully Shy Introvert

A blog written by a female diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome but suspected PDA in more recent years. Musings of a Trainee Battleaxe was created to not only create awareness of the PDA part of the spectrum; but also to educate the public hopefully creating understanding in order to stop future generations being let down and labelled negatively. Disclaimer: There may be parts of this blog which viewers may find upsetting as it contains accounts of real life events which have been quite traumatic. However, it is all to help create a sense of understanding and combat the fear surrounding all aspects of mental illness and Pathological Avoidance Syndrome (a very little understood part of the autistic spectrum).

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