I no longer want to hate A.

I want to no longer hate A. I am always going to be pissed off about what happened. I can’t remember half the stuff that happened due to being traumatised. I think that I was in a mental haze for at least a decade after my son got adopted. I am still glad that I met A because it changed my outlook on life. That wasn’t an entirely good thing but at least it made me grounded and realistic. I can’t hate her anymore. But, I don’t like her either. It is exhausting hating someone knowing nothing is going to improve between you and them. I would like the order off because I don’t remember any of the events which led up to it. It isn’t an excuse but how my brain coped at the time. I just existed but was never present.

Author: Diary of a Painfully Shy Introvert

A blog written by a female diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome but suspected PDA in more recent years. Musings of a Trainee Battleaxe was created to not only create awareness of the PDA part of the spectrum; but also to educate the public hopefully creating understanding in order to stop future generations being let down and labelled negatively. Disclaimer: There may be parts of this blog which viewers may find upsetting as it contains accounts of real life events which have been quite traumatic. However, it is all to help create a sense of understanding and combat the fear surrounding all aspects of mental illness and Pathological Avoidance Syndrome (a very little understood part of the autistic spectrum).

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