Retraumatised all over again.

I was browsing through tiktok earlier this evening. There was a video come up about a forced adoption. The woman said they’d just heard a woman come out of a courtroom screaming after the judge had just ruled a care and placement order in the local authorities favour (which means that they can place the child for adoption). That brought back extremely traumatic memories for me. This is why I can’t do the campaigning to end court ordered adoptions in the UK. I mentally can’t do it because the trauma just tears me apart. The experiences of others just take me back to what I went through losing my son to adoption. That video mirrored what I had gone through. I remember the final hearing when the judge approved the care and placement order for my son. I came out the court room screaming and shouting about what they were doing in there. I got bundled into a room by my own solicitor and told that I had to just accept what happened in there. I couldn’t appeal and if I talked about it, I would be locked up for a very long time. I tried myself to stop it via multiple court applications for the next year, but it still went ahead, the contacts ended when he was 14 months old a few months after final hearing. l haven’t slept the entire night. I am restless and very stressed just like I was back when it happened. I hope that this isn’t going to kick off how I was after I was first traumatised by what happened. I can’t remember actually sleeping much for over 4 years. I don’t even remember much of those 4 years due to my brain being in survival mode. I ended up so tired when I finally came out of the fight everything mode. Forced adoption isn’t as rare as people think despite what local authorities try to portray to the media etc. Their excuse is that parent is not capable of protecting their children. That is impossible to do in this world. The outside influences are hard to keep out. They have no idea but use their crystal ball prediction methods. There are no children that aren’t in danger of possible future harm. There are dangers everywhere in life.